A Letter Never be Sent
by Yawarako
Summary: [Chapter 2 uploded] In Aoiya, Kaoru was writing a letter to someone important. Would the person know how she feel?
1. Chapter 1

**A Letter Never be Sent**

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**Chapter 1**

Kenshin,

I made a pot of tea, to enjoy this precious afternoon alone.

Fall has come early this year. During these days, maple leaves had turned red gradually. I was reminded of two years before, when you newly became an inhabitant in Kamiya dojo. I couldn't help but smile at the bitter-sweet memory. 

It seemed so long ago.

Today is the day for you to pay a visit to Tomoe-san's tomb.   
I didn't go with you this time because I thought you might want to do it alone. 

Before we became a husband and a wife. 

I never told you how I managed to figure it out after that fateful day.   
Jin-chuu had somehow intensified my determination to be near to you. 

Nothing more. Just to be with you.

Weather in Kyoto this time is rather unsteady, exactly like the atmosphere here decades ago.   
One moment it is sunny and warm. Only a blink the cloud and wind would make this city seem so distant, almost a little creeping.   
I started to imagine how a fifteen-year-boy tried frantically to stay sane with his ideal in this city.   
Regardless of the balance between justice and craziness he was losing.

Until the smell of _white plum secretly refreshed his sense._

The wind gusted. I remembered this morning, when I insisted on bringing an umbrella with you before you set off.   
"No need to worry about that, Kaoru-dono. I'll stay at Shisho's cabin if it rains," you had smiled. A little absent-mindedly.

I sighed. It's interesting how you manage to affect my mood unwittingly. You never really realize that.   
Still, I can't and wouldn't like to let you do. 

When you first told me about Tomoe san, my mind was flooded with all kinds of emotion.   
I've never known a person can feel so helpless before. But I have then.   
Once, twice, you thought you've finally made it through, but a second later, you found yourself to be at the bottom again, looking up from the endless hole.

I knew that you refrained from talking about your past in front of me.   
But you don't have to say out loud.   
I can see or rather feel it from the way you walk, the way you speak, or the way you cast you eyes on the mountains faraway.   
I thought I had understood you enough before the confession you made, but obviously my positiveness has blinded my sense.

I'm not a selfless person.   
And I must admit that when I asked you to stay with me forever, I was determined to ignore that, you might have someone else on your mind, that you might meet someone who is better for you if you had continued your journey.

Baka ne, I was.

I constantly had a dream after we returned from Kyoto. 

It always started with a starless night, and I suddenly discovered that I was somewhere in Kyoto.   
The street was desert. All I could hear was the thumping of my heart, so loud that it hurt. 

And there you were, standing right in front of me, holding a blooded katana, carrying another one at you waist. 

The keen aura around you told me you were the young beast, the most fearsome nightmare in those bakumatsu officials' dream.  
But all I saw was a lost teenager wearing the fresh cross scar, battered both in mind and spirit. 

You spoke quietly, still with the same look you gave me as the one when those fireflies dancing around. 

And then you told me, or rather to someone that only you could see, that you were sorry, to use me to ward off your fear, your past, and your loneliness. 

It's funny that even in battousai's appearance which you considered as the darkest side of your mind, you still kept telling me you're sorry. But all I could do back then was gasp while watching you drive the sword into my heart. 

'_It hurts... How it hurts...' was my last thought._

After that I would woke up, tears and sweat all over, with a thundering heart. 

So loud it hurts.

A/N: At first, I was intended to integrate this story into another fic of mine, "The Road of Sword". But all of those data collecting was driving me crazy. So I decided to write what I want to most, which is this fic. I've seen the new OVA, Seisou Hen, and was inevitably affected by the power of it. But most of this story was plotted before that. I can even said proudly that the scenarist of the OVA seems to have the similar idea as mine when it comes down to Kaoru. However, I was still a little disappointed with "Seisou Hen". I'll try to present my idea in this fic.

Anyway, please let me know what you think. It'll make me improve.^^

Ja, matta ne.

Yawarako


	2. Chapter 2

**A Letter Never be Sent**

**Chapter2**

The vivid dream plagued me. Yet I deliberately ignored it, debating that it was just a side effect caused by Kyoto Event. 

I was overwhelmed by the fact that you'd stay, and I couldn't ask for more.

Or could I?

"I'm lying to myself." 

For the countless time I said in the endless darkness, after jotting up from the nightmare.

There was something tugging at the back of my mind. But I just couldn't face it.

"Not yet," I pled. "Give me some more time. Give_ him_ some more time."

However, deep inside, I knew there'd be a day that we can hide no more.

The dream was a sign, of the rise of those we both wanted to set aside.

And here Jin-chuu came. 

It was on the island, waiting for the unknown ending laid in front of us, did it occur to me what the dream tried to tell me.

You were living in the wrong era.

While bearing with so many visions of the future, you had to be barely drowned in the dye vat of all kinds of belief.

While shakily climbed out of the vat, you had to wear the color contradicting to others' on your soul and body.

But the beautiful nature in you is still there. 

Tomoe san has noticed it.

_I_ have noticed it.

But can I bring it out? _Dare_ I to bring it out?

I was afraid. I was afraid that it would turn out to be more than I could handle.

I was afraid to let you down.

You were just getting adapt yourself to the new world. 

Like a toddle recently conquered the dread of falling down.

Then I realized I depended too much on you.

Your existence only soothed my frustrated heart.

You were there when the whole world was against me.

And I couldn't just give you up, not when you needed me most.

To make you sad would be the last thing I'd do in this world.

It'll pain me more than to have your sword drive to my heart.

I confirmed my answer when I saw you on the island.

When we exchanged our eye contact, I knew we both found the same answer:

We would try our best to survive in this world together.

And it'll be enough for us.

"Kaoru san, could I come in?" Misao's voice.

Startled from my musing, I put my writings away. "Yes, please."

"You and Himura are so boring," Misao steps inside, noticing the papers and writing brush.

"All you do in Kyoto is sitting at home and tomb-visiting. Some couple you make."

"Misao," I grit my teeth. "need I remind you it's raining outside?"

"It didn't rain until you came here." She smirks.

I sighed. "Whatever."

"Ne, Kaoru san, tell me how Himura got the guts to propose you." Misao becomes excited all of sudden.

I glance at her. "What propose?"

"You mean he didn't propose you?" she asks incredulously.

"When Sanosuke, Megumi, and Yahiko left, we both felt it was time. And that was all." I reply casually.

"Boy, you really make the most boring couple in the world. You're beginning to act like that old Himura." 

Misao pouts, and then lightens up again.

"At least he said something before you got married."

"I just turned to be19, thank you very much." I roll my eyes.

"And where did you get those ideas from? All of our parents married like this."

"Our parents weren't assassins and shihondais, were they?"

"Misao..."

Sensing my rising temper, Misao waves her hands nervously.

"Ah ha ha, forget about it, never mind."

Taking a sip of the cold tea, I reply while looking at the tea leaf in the bottom of the cup.

"After they all gone, we discussed about our future one day..." I set the cup down on my knees.

"and we just discovered that we had each other in our future plan." I smile at Misao.

Of course I forgot to mention to her that it was actually _I_, who proposed.

TBC

A/N: Well, sorry for the delay, if there's anyone care. Anyway, please tell me what you think of this chapter.

Thank you!^_^


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